Pet Memorial Gifts: What to Give Someone Who Has Just Lost a Pet
Somebody you know has lost a dog or a cat, and you want to do something. That instinct is right. What most people get wrong is the timing and the object, and both are easy to get right once you have thought about them for two minutes.
The first week is for food, not for keepsakes
In the days immediately after, a memorial gift can land badly. It arrives while the person is still in the part of grief where they are cancelling vet appointments and finding hair on the sofa, and a beautifully made object asking them to look at the animal's face can be more than they can hold.
What helps in week one is practical and unremarkable. A meal. A message that names the animal. An offer to do something specific rather than the open-ended let me know if you need anything, which puts the work of asking onto the person least able to do it.
Keepsakes are for later. Four to eight weeks later is a reasonable guess, and later still is fine — a memorial that arrives three months on says I have not forgotten, which by then is the thing nobody else is saying.
What tends to be welcome
- A portrait made from their own photograph. It works because it is specific: not a dog, their dog. The gentler illustration styles suit this better than the comic ones — a watercolour or a quiet painted style rather than the admiral's uniform, however funny that would have been while the animal was alive.
- Something with the name on it. A coaster, an ornament, a small print. Grief attaches to the name almost more than to the face, and a name in a house where nobody says it aloud any more does a surprising amount of work.
- A blanket or a cushion. The practical objects are underrated. They get used daily rather than looked at occasionally, and for a lot of people that is easier to live with than something on a wall.
- A donation in the animal's name. To a shelter, a rescue, a veterinary fund. Costs the recipient nothing to receive and needs no space in the house, which matters if they are the sort of person who finds objects difficult.
- An ornament for the tree. A specific and quietly effective one. The first Christmas is one of the hard markers, and having something to hang means the animal is included rather than conspicuously absent.
What to avoid
Anything that replaces the animal. A puppy is not a gift, it is a decision, and it is not yours to make. The same is true of a kitten, however obviously delightful.
Anything that requires them to do work. A kit they have to assemble, a keepsake box they have to fill, a frame they have to find a photo for. Grief eats executive function. If your gift has a to-do list attached, it will sit in a cupboard and become one more thing to feel bad about.
Anything that puts a deadline on the feeling. Cards about angels getting their wings, or bridges that must be crossed, work for some people and land as a smack for others. If you do not know which sort of person you are dealing with, stay concrete: the animal's name, one true thing you remember about them.
If you are choosing a portrait
Two practical things, because this is where people get stuck.
Ask for the photograph, do not hunt for one. Taking a picture from someone's social media feels considerate and often is not — the photo they would choose is rarely the one they posted. “I would like to have something made for you. Would you send me your favourite picture of him?” is a kind message in its own right, and it gives them a small, manageable task at a moment when small manageable tasks are useful.
The only photo they have is enough. A great many memorial portraits are made from one imperfect picture, taken years ago, slightly blurry, because that is what exists. That is normal and it is workable. The advice in how to photograph your pet is for people whose animal is still here to be photographed; it is not a bar this has to clear.
If it is your own pet you have lost
Everything above assumes you are the friend. If you are the one grieving, the advice inverts: there is no correct interval, and nobody else's timeline applies. Some people order something the same week because having a task helps. Some cannot look at a photograph for a year. Both are ordinary.
The one thing worth knowing is that the photographs do not improve with waiting. If there is a picture you are afraid to look at, back it up somewhere safe now, and decide what to do with it whenever you are ready.
What to say when you send it
Shorter than you think, and with the animal's name in it. Most people over-write these because they are frightened of getting it wrong, and the over-writing is what makes them feel like a form letter.
We have written a whole piece on this, because it is the part people ask about most: what to say when someone loses a pet, and what not to.
If you have decided on an object, our memorial collection is the quiet end of what we make — portraits, ornaments, blankets and coasters, all made from a photograph you supply.